B O R N T O R U N

V E G A N/
S O B E R/
G I B B E R/
I S H

D A Y  O N E:

GOOD GINUARY, all!  If there's one thing I love more than anything, it's a good challenge. And by love, I mean frustrate me to all hell and turn me into a ranting, foot stomping, fist clenching 5 yr old. But I know the more I challenge myself, the more I learn. (idiot fact of the day) 

I've put it upon myself most days to think about my motives for things, seek the sources of my desires and deterrents and to constantly question my "beliefs". I'm not perfect at it, and there are definitely actions of mine that go unchecked, but for the most part, I'm a thinker before a doer. 

Lately, I've been thinking about my role in society. Not only as a human being, but as a privileged one. Last year, I told myself I wasn't going to participate in the sweat-shop fuelled fashion industry. Not being much of trend follower clothes horse to begin with, it wasn't much of a challenge. If I buy clothes, they are most likely vintage, local designers or a good head first dive into the free bin in our building's laundry room.  I admit, I caved and bought a $20 pair of jeggings from Old Navy somewhere around October and again succumbed to holiday trip to Walmart and spent $ on leggings and a sweater when I realized my hasty, slightly drunk packing revealed I did not have anything to accommodate my post-turkey dinner bloat.  I'm not exactly crippling the industry with my "ish" boycott, but the challenge was more about me and how I wanted to think of others before myself. And at the end of the day, I just like feeling like I have control over my consumption of anything, really. I don't have cable TV, and other than the ads on the youtuber videos I so enjoy, or the news websites I frequent, most of the advertising I subject myself to is the scrolly, oddly directed, white noise beside my facebook feed. 

You see, I'm vulnerable. I love lamp. I can be an easy target for manipulation. (believe it or not)

Over the last year of pursuing my musical aspirations, creative projects and going down to a part-timer in the traditional workforce, I have much more time to think. And eat. I experimented with giving my body a rest from intensely working out, religiously policing my diet and concentrated more on my heart, head and work.  The results were noticeable. Figuratively and literally. I'm happier, I'm less anxious and I'm a lil chubbier. I am the cliche of with happiness comes softness and roundness and heck of a lot more booty. (hence the emergency jeggings in October..) One thing I've struggled with all year is the swing from feeling so blissful, to squeezing into my clothes that I'm trying to not replace. And for the most part, I've just let myself feel all the happy. It has been an experiment in self esteem and I am happy to report, it hasn't taken much of a beating. Towards the end of the year, I decided to challenge myself further and stop covering my grey hair, which has come out in full force as of late! With my invisible years fast approaching, the wonderful freedom of NOT being a demographic for beauty companies/music labels/EVERYTHING is I can almost fly under the radar. It was a great year to do whatever the fuck I wanted. It was and continues to be GLORIOUS. 

I also rekindled my adoration/obsession with animals (was it ever dead?).  I started following too many dogs on instagram. One day I started following Esther The Wonderpig. A pair of adorable men in the maritimes who have a farm run the account of this hilarious and beautifully mischievous member of the swine kingdom that they rescued under the impression that she was a "micropig". Much to their surprise and eventual delight she grew into a full size sow. They became vegans and dedicate most of their posts to her and promoting animals as family, not food. 

Now, that's as far as I can dip my toes into the animals rights pool for today. I'm not sure if it's my calling. But I know I adore all animals and I also know I couldn't kill one myself. I decided to ask myself the question of why can I eat one? I had dabbled in vegetarianism in, as Cher Horowitz would call, my "post-adolescent idealistic phase".  It lasted a few years. Then, due to some serious diet changes put upon me by my doctor (going gluten free in 2001 was not a nice time for a 20 yr old girl with no money or means to understand how to supplement it), I was advised to eat meat somewhere around the 118 lb mark. The point at which I could no longer hide my bones. (to give you some perspective, a healthy weight for my frame is no lower than 140 lbs). I started eating a high protein, almost zero carb diet to curb the intensity of my IBS. Now, 15 years later, my body's digestive system has changed and much to my delight, I can eat pretty much anything with little to no negative effect (within reason). I don't know if it was giving my body a 15 year break from processed food, most refined sugars and almost all gluten, maybe my age is a factor now, maybe I "cured" myself, I don't know. But it wouldn't hurt to take a look at revising my diet again and making sure I'm where I need to be. 

So..animal love + diet awareness + breaking control of certain powerful industries = vegan...ish. I'm trying it for a week and then if I like it, continue to see positive changes, I'll see how much longer I can go with the idea of perhaps being completely vegan for a month. 

Baby steps. 

Also the soberish part of this blog was just a bit a of a cheeky joke. It's Ginuary, people, so I will only be consuming gin as my cocktail/imbibe of choice. I will be posting a series of videos on my youtube channel showcasing some of my favourite cocktails.  I think I may also be posting my attempts at some real vegan gourmet cuisine here on the blog too. 

Besides, not eating animals might bring up a lot of feelings. And I'm gonna need to drink about them. 

Stay tuned for what will come of this. Or hit up my instagram to see me cave and eat a whopper at midnight tonight. (ha!)

Yours, in earnest, 

g xo