But before we dive into what I said to them, let's get one thing straight:
38 isn't OLD. It's 38 for chrissake! It's not even 40. And guess what? 40 isn't old either! SO relax. Just chill, bruh. Don't sign me up for the waiting list at Shady Oaks just yet. Yeesh.
Ok, now that we have that out of the way, let's get down to it.
Your 20's are for fucking up, going the wrong way at least 5 times, turning around, making up for your mistakes only to make a round of new ones you will hopefully have lived down by your 30th birthday. Your 20's are for your FIRST marriage. In short, just make it out alive. My 20's were the most confusing, heartbreaking, challenging, FUN, silly and wild years of my life. I loved, I lost, I left, I came back, I made horrible choices that bled into my 30's. Your 20's are the years where you still have the metabolism of a cheetah so eat those fries, chug those beers, devour those nachos and bathe EVERYTHING in cheese. And wine. Sure, sure, be healthy, but don't obsess cause I guarantee you, no matter your size, mobility, or position in life in your 20s, you will find yourself scrolling through old pictures on facebook on the eve of your 38th birthday and lament at how young, cute, fit/able/perfect your body was back then. In the last year the reality of my mobility has come roaring in and I mostly bemuse the days that I could climb mountains, run 10k and do those high-impact workouts. Now, my knees are shot, my joints are constantly on fire, and I feel like there's a permanent knife in my right hip that twists every time I take a step. Years of having a "pretty person job" of serving in restaurants and bars, have left me with repetitive stress injuries, "server elbow", faceitus in both feet and ZERO PATIENCE FOR YOUR BULLSHIT, MA'AM.
The first half of your 30's are for repairing the damage of your 20's and also for accepting that you are in fact "in your 30's". You're a bit greyer, you're a bit slower, you're a bit more jaded. BUT. Here's the good stuff:
You give 50% less of a fuck about most things. This means what Fucking Sharon in accounting thinks of you is inconsequential. Because FUCK SHARON. She's bitter and angry and you should never take what she says seriously. Plus she's 40 (ew).
You give progressively less fucks the further you push into your 30's. I'm at the point where I can go a whole day without caring. I can already see my next blog post..."If I Give a Fuck, Will You Stop Crying?"
In your 30's, when you've managed to live down most of what you did in your 20's (or stopped caring about it) you have so much mental space and time to do stuff. They say that tortured artists like myself can only write through pain. Those people just hadn't turned 35 yet. I don't need pain, I need time. And some GODDAMM peace and quiet. So, yeah dude, we can date. You can even live with me. You're adorable, I love you. Just listen to your music on headphones and try to leave me alone at least once a day for a few consecutive hours. Mama's gotta get shit done.
The other awesome thing about being in your late 30's (aka pushing 40) is that you're like 3 years away from people no longer bugging you about having a damn human baby. The only bummer is the folks (mostly men, oddly) that feel the need to remind you how much time you have left. And also to remind you that the last 19 years of survival, creating a body of work in respect to your art, travelling to countless cities/countries really won't make you a woman until you create a life. *eye roll* Oh, and they LOVE to remind you that you gonna regret not having one. Like I'm gonna wake up on my 45th birthday and be all "MY LIFE MEANT NOTHING". Again, chill, Bruh. In the words of my dear darling Uncle Ken (aka UK):
"I decide."
Oh yeah! I forgot the best part! YOU DECIDE. And you finally have the balls to say what you want or what you don't want. You can decide you don't like something. You can say you don't feel like having sex/going for a walk/drinking beer/watching that movie and you don't have to waste your time agonizing about WHAT IT ALL MEANS. It doesn't mean anything, it's just means you don't fucking feel like it right now. Maybe you will feel like it in 15 minutes, but not now. And then in 15 minutes when you feel like it you can say "hey sailor, I feel like banging/going for a walk/drinking beer/seeing that movie" and most of the time he'll say "sweet, i'm in." or he might not. So then you both shrug your shoulders and go do what you feel like doing alone. It doesn't have to mean anything. It doesn't mean the thrill is gone. It just means you're different people and everything's gonna be ok.
Oh and having made it to the closing remarks of your 30's means...you're almost 40. And once you hit 40, everything's gonna be ok. That's the promise land, man. You made it. Hopefully with no children. (in my case). Put your feet up, crack a beer and put on a record. Light a damn candle. Light 40 on your cake if you want. You know who you are now, less people will fuck with you. And if your a woman, you're pretty much not a target demo for the media's idiotic beauty standards, or the dude catcallers on the street. Your world is infinitely safer as you rapidly approach your invisible years.
Genevieve Rainey, The Invisible Woman, coming 2017...
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